CURRENT - 2007 - 2006 - 2005 - 2004 - 2003 - 2002

12.15.02

Something is very wrong. I keep thinking about Fight Club and Office Space, and the way that we waste our lives doing shit we have no interest in in order to "make a living". I have a pretty good job, but I look at all the people around me who are frustrated as all hell and are suffocating. I guess it's better than plowing fields and hunting bison. Actually the hunting would be cool, except for that fact that you starve if you suck at it. You can suck at your job and still get by in this world. Creativity is just pulling at me harder than usual. Part of this feels like a whiny, bitchy rant, but still...we only have a little time on this earth. It makes sense that we should be able to do what we want w/ it.

I also came to a realization about the Angel/Devil paintings I've been doing. I'm sexualizing the conflict between good and evil. You see, I often don't know what motivates me to make a particular work of art at the time I make it. I'm just hit w/ inspiration and I go w/ it. Sometimes I realize why I did something month later, sometimes years later...but I digress. The struggle between good and evil is something that by brain has been soaked in throughout my development into adulthood. Movies, video games, and of course the medium that has had the greatest effect on me, comic books.

As an adult male, sex tends to be a bit of a preoccupation. I think that my interests in sexuality have been mingling w/ my adolescent power trip fantasies on a subconscious level and these sadomasochistic angel/demon paintings are the result. Mainly, it's these two forces struggling to dominate, seduce, or in some way manipulate the other, and yet be drawn toward each other in a fiery, passionate manner, that is the theme behind these works. I have a few more planned, but I think I want to do a couple self portraits first. I feel like I need to take a good long look at myself.

G

BTW, is anyone bothering to read any of this shit, or am I just shouting down a long empty corridor?

11.31.2002

Hmmm.....It's been a while. I've been caught up in work. That's no excuse for ignoring one's life's passion. I feel emotionally out of whack if I go too long w/ out doing a personal creative project. I get what I deserve, though. I know that it's what truly makes me happy and it's foolish to have the key to your happiness in the palm of your hand and not grasp it. I haven't been sitting on my ass this whole time. I finished 3 paintings that I've added to the ART section, and I have been writing a web comic which I'll start drawing sometime early in '03.

I've been struggling w/ having too many interest. It's actually tormenting me. I want to have some semblance of a social life (hanging out w/ friends, catching movies), enjoy other hobbies (books, video games, TV, playing guitar), but it seems like I barely have time for doing art. Right now, I don't even have time for that. I'll admit that I'm greedy, but I don't want to sacrifice anything. I want all that life has to offer and I want to make time to enjoy all the experiences I can. Generally, I try not to bitch and moan. I'm just creatively frustrated at the moment because I have so many ideas and not enough time to work on them.

G

9.06.2002

I guess I'm slowly on the road to producing artwork on a regular basis again. I did a digital painting this time, because I didn't have my paint and canvas around. I've been meaning to play around w/ more digital stuff anyway. I haven't started on the script for my next long story project.

I don't plan to do much animation on it. It'll be more like an online comic. I think I might be repeating myself from past DIALOGs. Work is supposed to get busier before it gets slower, so I might not get as much done over the next few weeks. Plus, I want to enjoy life a little. I'm living w/ two musicians and I want to take advantage of what I can learn from them musically. I'm just as afraid of spending every spare moment hunched over a drawing table, not living life, as I am of never having the time to produce art that is meaningful to me. I'm going to try to keep a steady flow of sketches and artwork coming until the first chapter of the next long story is ready.

G

8.22.2002

Ok. I've moved into a house in Sherman Oaks w/ a bunch of musicians. Hopefully, this will help me improve my guitar skills. I suppose practicing might help too. There's a lot of creative energy in the house. I'm gonna try and settle into a creative grove and do a little painting. Again, work is monopolizing me like mad. Soon...Soon.
G

8.15.2002

I'm slacking. It's been over 2 weeks since my last update, and this one doesn't include any artwork. My new job has been beating my ass, time wise. I enjoy the work, but I haven't had any time to draw, paint or write. This weekend, I should finish one piece that I started a few weeks ago. After that, hopefully things will loosen up in the spare time dept. I'll probably add sketches and paintings. It will be at least a month before I get around to a long form narrative piece (knowing me, it will probably be two, but I'll try). In the meantime, here's an email someone sent me about Rosethorne and my response.

G

I just watched the third installment.. wheeew.  Err... let me just explain a bit.  I'll list it to preserve my sanity and yours.
 
1)Is there any hero/main character to the series?  I mean, shes kind of a demon slave now.
 
2)What was the purpose of the possessed teddy bear if there will not be another episode?
 
3)I feel violated.  Viewing rape in any form is enough to crush even my jaded mental defenses.  I think I'm just a sucker for stuff with happy endings where the hero saves the person before anything bad can happen =/.  Yeah, I'm a pansy.  Whatever.  Personal taste is all.  I should have expecpted this from a demon.
 
4)Good work.  The black and white art really serves to give it a raw, gothic feeling. 
 
That is all, I think. My mind will heal in time

(My Response below)

1) Rose is the main character, but there is no hero in the story. I came up w/ the idea for the story when a small comic book publisher looked at some of my work at a comic convention a few years ago, and asked me to submit a story for an erotic horror anthology. I tried to come up w/ something sexual and disturbing at the same time. I'm aware that it's rather perverse, but what lies ahead in the story is even worse. Which leads me to...

2) The teddy bear was not part of the story when I wrote it originally, and the story was meant to end where the animation does. In the process of working on it, 2 things happened. First, I realized the story was too long to be done in 2 parts, but too short for 3. The teddy bear was just a time filler and useful to give a little exposition about the demon (Sylvanus). Second, I came up w/ a continuing story for Rosethorne, in which the teddy bear plays a continuing role. This ongoing story won't be started for about a year because I have another project I want to work on for a while, which I will be posting on line in the coming months.

3) I think rape is a vile, disgusting thing, which why I used it in a horror story. It's a truly horrific act. Even though a supernatural monster is doing it in my story, it's going on in the real world day in and day out, which I find far horrifying. As a matter of personal taste, I tend to enjoy and write stories w/ bittersweet or unpleasant endings. Happy endings seem to wrap things up in a neat little package, whereas events in life tends to end in messy, unsatisfying ways. I do like happy endings also, sometimes, just because you need relief from the unpleasantness of real life.

4) Thank you. I've been very pleased w/ the responses I've gotten from my work. I appreciate the fact that you took the time to write. The fact that people are taking the time to think about the things I create makes all the hard work worth while. And sorry for the trauma. My next story will be far less disturbing (at least on a visceral level)

G

7.27.2002

I am tapped. I have been working on this new animation for what feels like an eternity. Actually, it is, since I originally started it over 2 years ago. I moved on to other things, but it always bugged me that I never finished it, so back in May, I sat down and redesigned the characters a little and properly storyboarded the damn thing out.

Here we are, a few months later and...Poof, all done. Just in time, since I'm starting a new full time position, and I won't be able to do anymore all encompassing animation pieces. The job isn't the real reason. I had forgotten since my college days ( I interned an Nickelodeon Animation for a short while) why I became so interested in storyboarding.

Actual animation is incredibly tedious. There's a tremendous sense of gratification when you finish a piece, but you get the same feeling on a smaller scale when you finish a painting, and since you have the feeling more often (if you finish a painting quicker than an animation), I think it balances out. In the last week and a half, as I was drawing close to completion, I told myself, that's it. I'm done w/ animation for the foreseeable future unless it's a short gag that's a few seconds long, or I'm doing animation direction and I don't have to do much hands on grunt work.

Of course five minutes after telling myself this, an idea for two animated pieces pop into my head. Fortunately, they fall into the category of short gags. I'll knock them out over the next few weeks. It depends on how much the new job impacts my spare time. Never fear, though. Along w/ focusing on new drawings and painting, I'm going to finalize the script for a web graphic novel, which will be my next long form project. For now, enjoy the new cartoon.

G

7.22.2002

Ok. A day late. I spent the weekend w/ some friends in San Diego. Everybody needs a vacation now and then. Even if it's a vacation from drawing, painting, and animation. I'm going to get as much mileage of of my emails as I can. Here's another E-conversation I had w/ someone talking about the nature of art. I generally used to think that I didn't have very many opinions about art. I realize that's bullshit. I just happen to be apathetic. More and more, people are starting to call me on things and I have to formulate actual responses to things going on around me. I used to just focus on the creative process and move from one piece to another w/ out analyzing them. I don't need to dissect them as I work, but now I do have to come back to things at some point and ask "What's going on here?". Anyhow. here's the email: (my response is the 2nd part)

----- Original Message Was:
Yeah, I know what you mean. I have alot of Fantasy art too. The only reason why I asked what kind of reactions you got was because I always get the people who say " Oh, your work is good butit`s not really considered fine art or there's a different market for the type of art you do. Even with my landscapes or scenery type art. Oh well, I guess you can`t please everyone.

I think the problem is the general public's perception of art. Most people expect everything to look like Monet or Rembrandt and don't look at anything beyond that because they aren't really into art. Their definition of art is a pretty object to hang on the wall. They never get into the levels of communication and self-expression that lie under the surface. I'm surprised you get that "it's not fine art" reaction w/landscapes. Usually everyone loves a good landscape. Part of what I want to do as an artist is to do graphic novels in a lush painted style. I feel like it lends credibility to comics as an artistic medium as opposed to being considered power-trip fantasies for prepubescent boys. I can see why comics have the reputation they do, because a lot of them are crap, but I think the medium in general can aspire to be something greater. Fantasy art gets lumped into the same group, but that's because when people think fantasy, they usually picture the covers of D&D novels, barbarians and dragons and such (I do happen to like those things, though). That's part of the challenge for me - getting people to accept a broader definition of what art can be.

7.14.2002

I was just going to post a model sheet from the animation I'm currently working on, but I couldn't help fooling around w/ it in Fireworks. Someone emailed me asking about the thoughts behind one of my paintings ( Kiss), so I thought I'd share my response.

----- Original Message Was:
very interesting and beautiful paintings....the first one...is she looking at her evil or sinful side in the mirror? or is just accepting/loving her sinful side? or is she just loving the devil? lol
let me know what that painting is about. thanks...:)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Well, I don't usually tell people what I think a piece is about because I like the fact that different people will see different things and take away different meanings. That said, for me, the painting is about being drawn to things that are taboo. I never really decided whether the angel and devil are aspects of the same person or whether the mirror was just a metaphor for the concept of 2 beings coming from completely different places and backgrounds, yet being drawn together by a shared passion.

7.07.2002

It continues to astound me how long it takes for me to settle down and get any work done. I spent most of the week futzing w/ OSX, transferring settings from old programs to new ones. A very slow week creatively speaking. I didn't get a chance to do any work on the animated piece I've been working on. I did do some character sketches for the next project I intend to work on, which will probably be a comic book (they take so much less work than an animated cartoon).

I though about posting some of the sketches, but instead, I figured I'd throw up an old ball point pen illustration from high school. I never had much interest in abstraction, but I started doing these weird drawings where I would just kind of let the pen lead me around the page and fill in whatever seemed natural. It looks nothing like what inspired me to start making them, cloud formations.

I went on an art book buying spree this week. Will Eisner's Shop Talk is a collection of interviews w/ a variety of comic book artists, including Jack Kirby and Neal Adams. I got a portfolio by Ashley Wood - Uno Fanta. Also, A book on Egon Schele, Barry Windsor Smith's Opus, and a couple of technical reference books. The never ending stack next to my bed grows...

G

p.s. I was listening to a Billy Holiday CD, then the cd player switched to Deftones - Around the Fur. How's that for a jarring transition?

7.01.2002

I guess I'm off to a roaring start. I had planned to do my first update on Sun. Night, but I went to a friend's birthday party then one of my buddies wanted to roll by a strip club last night. Can I tell you that I don't understand the logic of a "topless only" bar. That's like having an ice cream Sunday and only getting to eat the whipped cream and cherry. Anyway, I've been working on an animated short in flash. Flash 5 is horribly unstable on Macs. My machine kept crashing so much I realized I needed to shell out the big bucks and upgrade to Flash MX. (none of which is interesting to you unless you're a web designer or animator). Actually, I decided to spring for Studio MX. I figure that way, I can completely shift over to OSX. I can use Fireworks and Freehand instead of Photoshop and Illustrator. I'm giddy about the software's pending arrival in the mail.

On the artistic tip, I'm adding a new image to the site, but I realized that I didn't want to replace the "kiss" image on the home page. I only want to put stuff there that I really love. Of course that's difficult because, like most artists, I hate almost everything I do. I exaggerate, but I do find it hard to pick an image that I think is worthy of putting on a pedestal. If anyone has an opinion as to how often they feel I should rotate the home page images feel free to e-mail me.

G

P.S. I've been reading "THIEVES' PARADISE" by Eric Jerome Dickey. It's hot. I've only read a couple of his books, but I think I'm gonna have to read all of them now. http://ericjeromedickey.com

6.25.2002

It seems like it's taken forever to get around to designing this site. My intent is to make it a mixture of a digital gallery and an online sketchbook and diary. I'm going to attempt to update the site once a week, as time permits. If I'm lucky, maybe more. Sometimes all I'll be able to do is add a rough sketch or something. I'll try put up something more substantial once a month, like a new chapter in a web comic or a new piece of animation

: G

CURRENT - 2007 - 2006 - 2005 - 2004 - 2003 - 2002