Was listening to an NPR story about a PBS Johnny Carson documentary… Rona Barrett was interviewing Carson and he told her he knew from an early age that he wanted to be an entertainer. He’d done a play around 12-13 years old, did something funny, and got big laughs which made him feel great. It was the attention. Barrett asked why he wanted attention. “Because I’m shy” he replied.
I don’t know why this struck me so profoundly. I’ve always thought of myself as a shy person who struggles to be outgoing in spite of it. Training myself to overcome an inherent weakness. The idea of the reverse being true never occurred to me. To want others to focus on you, to listen to you, to care about you, because your natural personality shrinks away from it.
Like needing to take iron supplements because your body, in its natural state, is anemic.
Maybe I need more attention.